Apr. 1 NoCo News
Colorado looking to require a captain's lic, new state record bass, and banning mono fishing line
LEGISLATION WOULD REQUIRE CAPTAIN’S LICENSE
In a bold move to promote safety on Colorado waters state Senators Dewey, Chetum, and Howe have announced a groundbreaking legislative proposal aimed at enhancing safety measures for paddleboarders across the state.
The proposed bill, tentatively titled the "Paddleboarder Nautical Proficiency Act," seeks to require all paddleboarders to obtain a Coast Guard Captain's license before taking to the majestic waters of Colorado
"Ensuring the safety of our citizens is paramount, especially when it comes to recreational activities like paddleboarding," remarked Senator Dewey. "By equipping paddleboarders with the knowledge and expertise of licensed captains, we can mitigate the risks associated with navigating our scenic waterways."
Despite the skepticism, Senators Dewey, Chetum, and Howe remain undeterred in their quest to champion innovative solutions to pressing safety concerns.
"We understand that some may view our proposal as unconventional," conceded Senator Chetum. "But sometimes, it takes a bit of out-of-the-box thinking to make waves in the world of legislation."
As the debate surrounding the "Paddleboarder Nautical Proficiency Act" continues to unfold, one thing is certain: Colorado's political landscape has once again proven to be as unpredictable and adventurous as its breathtaking terrain.
BANANAS - THE NEWEST FISHERIES MANAGEMENT TOOL
In a revelation that has left the fishing community split between skepticism and potassium-induced perplexity, conservation biologists from Cal Berkeley have completed groundbreaking research proposing a radical new fisheries management tool: requiring bananas on all fishing boats. According to their findings, bananas in a boat have a mysterious yet undeniable ability to reduce harvest across all species, from trout to tuna. As a result, they're pushing for mandatory bananas in all fishing boats and inspection stations at all boat launches, much to the chagrin of anglers who prefer their boats free of fruity interference.
In a bid to garner widespread support for this new management proposal, efforts are underway to enlist none other than Gwen Stefani as the spokesperson for the banana-inclusive fisheries management tool. Stefani is seen as the perfect ambassador to convince skeptics that bananas belong on boats as much as they belong in smoothies. Rumor has it that her next hit single might even be titled "Bananas, Buoys, and Bass" in a nod to her newfound advocacy.
As the debate over bananas in boats rages on, one thing is certain: whether you're a seasoned angler or just along for the ride, you'd better brace yourself for a sea of potassium-powered controversy. After all, in the unpredictable world of fisheries management, anything can happen – even if it involves a bunch of bananas.
BALLOT INITIATIVE TO MAKE MONO FISHING LINE ILLEGAL IN CO
In a move that's sure to reel in attention from both environmentalists and stoners alike, Colorado has proposed a ballot initiative to ban monofilament fishing lines, citing their petroleum base as a threat to aquatic ecosystems. Instead, anglers would be required to cast their lines with a more eco-friendly alternative: fishing lines made entirely of hemp.
Proponents of the initiative argue that hemp fishing lines not only offer a sustainable solution but also provide a new revenue stream for the state's budding hemp industry. "Why rely on fossil fuels when you can hook a catch using Mother Nature's finest?" quipped one enthusiastic supporter, waving a spool of hemp line like a fishing rod at a Phish concert.
Supporters state the advancements in hemp fishing lines have come a long way in recent years. The latest version has a slim 1/4 inch diameter with an impressive 4.63-pound breaking strength. The industry leaders expect to reach that 5-pound goal before 2030.
As the campaign gains steam, it seems Colorado is poised to make waves in the world of fishing regulation, one hemp line at a time. Whether the initiative sinks or swims remains to be seen, but one thing's for sure: fishing in the Centennial State may never be the same again.
BOY CATCHES NEW STATE RECORD LARGEMOUTH BASS
In a twist of angling fate that has sent shockwaves through the Colorado fishing community, little Billy, a 6-year-old prodigy, has reeled in a monster largemouth bass from the depths of Farmer Ted's humble pond, shattering the state record. Weighing in at a whopping 15 pounds 3 ounces, this leviathan of a bass has catapulted Billy into local fishing legend status, with tales of his epic battle spreading faster than poop through a goose. In an exclusive interview granted to us, Billy divulged directions to Farmer Ted's pond, the elusive fishing spot that has now become the stuff of angler dreams. With Billy's guidance, anglers from far and wide are sure to flock to the tranquil waters of Farmer Ted's pond in pursuit of their own piscine glory.
APRIL FOOLS!!
I hope everyone enjoyed this special issue.
Share this with your angling friends who might enjoy it or you know will get worked up before realizing this issue might be a long cast from the truth.
Except with those people in our current state legislature this will likely happen.
That was great! LOL